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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
August 4, 2013
THE GRAND OLLAMA HANDLES COMPLAINTS
News Item: For the first time since inception in the 1930s, the US Gross Domestic
Product (goods and services up to now) will include financial asset
appreciation/income thereby boosting it significantly.
Listen my fellow llamas, ever since you elected me Grand Chief of all the Andes
llamas, I have worked to improve your lives.
But you only help the fat llamas of your grand council and your friends who keep us
out of the best large pastures.
Don't worry, water from there will eventually drain down to yours.
Yes, but we have less and less to eat now.
Not according to my figures. Ever since we revised our weights downwards for
greater accuracy, the harvest measured has increased dramatically.
But our bellies feel empty ...
That's because your bellies have become too big. It takes too much to fill them. You
have to learn to tighten your belts.
We don't have any ... no clothes either. You have us confused with your rich human
friends who pull our wool over our eyes and steal it off our backs. And teach you
mumbo-jumbo economics ... we keep starving while they keep saying the numbers tell
everything ... everything's getting better ... yet, our bellies feel empty ...
Listen! Things are better, even for you. Why, don't you know my scientist llamas
have confirmed ... if you eat less, you live longer. Now go home, live long, and
prosper. Remember, I am always looking out for the ordinary llama. That's why you