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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
July 31, 2011
THE GRAND OLLAMA MUSES
Yes, I am the Grand Ollama -- at least, I try my best to be. Now I know some
of you are accusing me of being a jelly fish; of having no backbone; of giving
away the store; of trying to emanate warm, fuzzy feelings. Man, I'm doin' my
best. But even I can't be a jelly fish and a warm, fuzzy bear (sans tooth and
claw) at the same time. May I remind you the jelly fish has the most
venomous stingers known to man in those diaphanous swaying tentacles.
How about that, eh!? Don't tell me. I'm gettin' petulant again ...
All I am trying to do is reason with that herd on Capitol Hill. That's the Grand
Ollama's job. An' I wanna keep that job for the next six years. Is that too
much to ask? Yes, keep my job and be well squared off with those savvy
banksterebras in pin stripes. See how fat and sleek they are. That's what
attracted my pal Billious Clintonius to them and look at him now -- made at
least a $100 million in speaking fees alone, millions in book advances --
though I never met anyone who read his book through ... have you?
After all the sacrifices I've made and all I've done for everyone, I deserve
better. How come I don't get no sympathy. Life ain't fair. It just ain't. I just
feel like picking up my marbles an' going home. I ain't no quitter though. I
am gonna show these guys. Don't tell me. I'm gettin' peevish ...