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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
July 23, 2017


News Item:  Akie Abe, the Japanese first lady, feigns poor English to avoid
conversing with Trump when seated next to him at the G-20 dinner.


Akky, you know I meant to say this when you were at Mar-a-Lago, but you are in
great shape.

No speako Engrisho ...

Ah,  come on!  You get the gist of what I mean (leers).

(Looks at him as if the cat had brought in a partially eaten mouse)  No speako goodo

(Trump looks at bowl of fruit on the table).  Look at that luscious fruit.  (Suggestively)
I could eat all ... one by one slow...ly.

Ah so!  You fluitcake-o

No, no, no!  Me no fruitcake-o.  Me eat a fruit-o.  Hell, what am I saying ... Look, I am
not a fruitcake.  I said I could eat all the fruit slow ...ly.  (Again suggestively)

You fluitcake-o.

No, no, no!  Oh, what's the use!  Let me see now ... I see chicken's on the menu.  
You see CHICKEN.  What part of chicken do you like best?  Leg and thigh (points to
his leg and thigh) or breast meat (lays both hands upon his chest).

The lady opposite him seeing only his hand signs says loudly, "This is appalling.  It's
the worst behavior I've witnessed at a diplomatic gathering."

(Trump mutters to himself)  These women are nuts.  They must be menstruating.  I
think I'll go see my friend Vladimir.

(As he leaves he hears behind him).  Fluitcake-o.