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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
July 22, 2012
BEAR IN MALL
New Item: A young black bear enters a shopping mall in Pittsburgh causing panic.
When you are a young teen, hot (soaring temperatures) and lonely, what do you
do? Go to the mall, get an ice cream or a shake, hang out in the cool,
air-conditioned space. That's all I did ... and all hell broke loose!
What's up with these humans anyway? First they destroy the streams, the trees --
not a place to find decent shade and keep cool. Now even the bees have
disappeared ... and I love honey.
So I saunter off to the mall, hoping those guys with the long shooting sticks won't
show up and stick me one in the derriere. It's happened before, and they put an
annoying collar on me. Now they almost always seem to know where I am. I know
because I see them following me sometimes and taking notes.
So I make it to the mall -- so far so good. But I lose my way inside. This damn stupid
Sears store I can't find my way out of, and all the people running like crazy. All I want
is a cool, sweet, creamy yogurt ice cream with berries, even a plain ice, or a frozen
milk shake. Oh, the thought of it.
Then I am running to get away. These infernal glass doors that go round and round.
I am stuck. No, not just the door .. the guys with the shooting sticks. It's all becoming
hazy now. I am trying to run but my legs won't move. They've got me.