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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
June 12, 2011
THE ALASKAN MAMA BEAR ON E-MAILS
News Item: Sarah Palin's office e-mails during her two years as Governor of
Alaska were released.
Flippin' unflippinbelievable they've done this to me. All 24,000 e-mails. Of
course they want someone to find some tidbit, take it outta context and
flippin' post it.
Tell ya somethin', I aint gonna be apologistical; no Sirree! No! I got 'em in
mah cross-hairs and I never flippin' miss. So, let 'em go ahead. This Mama
Bear can look after herself.
Okay, so I praised the Grand Ollama. Well, look at him. He kept Gates,
continued the Bush bank bailout. So whaddya think? But then he goes off
the beam with health care. That's socialism, if not communism -- never in
freedom-loving America. It's just unrealigistic. I ain't no blushin' begonia
when it comes to a fight. You want me in your corner I tell ya!
I ain't said nothin' to be ashamed of. The American people love me and mah
books. Have ya seen the little den I got mahself in Arizona from the profits
-- I love this place. They know how to treat them illegal Mexicans. Don't get
me wrong, I ain't no racialist; I'm just for upholdin' the law. An' I know a way
to get 'em all back -- stop eatin' salad. No lettuce; no lettuce pickers. Same
goes for all them sissy vegetables. Eat like a carnivore, that's what I say.
Arizona beef! Sorry Daisy May, but you'll be safe, you give milk!
You gotta problem? I gotta solution. Take Socialistic Security: I say, give
them old geezers a gun and let 'em shoot their own varmints, and cut those
darn monthly payments bustin' our economy. It's time men learned to get
their dinner again.
Take that little PorkyWeiner. What a cry-baby wimp? That one ain't as hard
as it seems: Send him out huntin' with mah good friend Cheney. He'll shape
him up pronto.
Well, I gotta go; got mah weekly target practice -- gotta keep mah eyes sharp
an' mah trigger finger happy!