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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
June 9, 2019


News Item:  Trump meets the royals in Britain and Prince Charles invites him for tea.

You know we often have crumpets for tea.  I hear (with a knowing wink) you love a bit
of crumpet ...

Crumpet?  Never heard of it.

(Camilla interrupts) Charles darling, he likes to chase pussy cats.

Well, what red-blooded dawg doesn't?  We also will be piping in haggis to honor your
Scottish heritage.

Hags?  Hags did I hear?  I love beautiful long-legged models ...

You mean like the Afghan hound you brought with you?

That's my daughter.  I thought you had cucumber sandwiches and such like for tea.

Well, the climate has warmed so much we grow grapes in England and make wine.  I
wanted to talk to you how the warming now causes frequent heavy rains and
flooding,  ice melt in the Arctic and Antarctic.  It is a problem you see.  But then we
now have more wine.

Wine!  I don't drink.

You don't drink.  How do you spend your evenings?

(Camilla winks at Charles)

Oh no, not every night you poor dawg.

Yes every night and I am proud of it.  I am all American and its American.  Every
night, yes every night I, I .. .  I have cheeseburgers!  And tell you what, since since I
am a diplomat -- no matter what they say -- on the climate you talk about so much ...
it goes hot and cold.  That's halfway, right?