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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
June 3, 2012
WIGGLING AND WRIGGLING THROUGH
News Item: Articles in various media reveal yet again Obama's consistent
inconstancy, appeasing his base in speeches once promising the end of torture,
rendition, even Guantanamo, while at the same time leaving plenty of wiggle room in
the executive orders that followed.
The Grand Ollama is a spiritual and moral leader first; his political leadership as head
of all llamas comes a distant second. Yes, he must protect his flock, and he is the
shepherd, but only insofar as he tends the flock for the greater Father Llama high up
in the sky protecting the universe -- though one might worry about its constant
expansion, and his ability to put it back together again.
"Well," says the Grand Ollama, "I have to protect my llamas. When I send over the
flying buzzards to pluck out the eyes of our enemies, I check out all the enemy
profiles including family members. My spiritual conscience forbids otherwise; I can
not leave such a task to underlings and shirk my responsibility. If children on the list
are blinded, all I can say is they are now using children to do their dirty work --
women too, hiding their instruments of ill deed under their tent-like shrouds."
The Grand Ollama is right of course -- he can never be wrong as the right hand of
the great Father in the sky. So he has expanded the list of combatants in family
compounds attacked by the buzzard protectors of the llama folk to include at least all
adult males. And by magic noncombatant civilian deaths have been reduced
And, of course, no more torture except when ... ; and no more rendition except when
... . Torture and rendition are not the way of a flock governed by law. The Grand
Ollama is a lawyer after all.