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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
May 29, 2011
Yes, I am in Moneygall. But when The Grand Ollama sets his mind to do
something, he goes for it. Here I am ... in Ireland, the land of apostrophes as
common as O'Hare, O'Leary and O'Everything else, so why not O'llama. I like
the flourish and it will make me a shoe-in with the other apostrophes ... and,
the old dragon lady finds it cute. I am telling you, you don't want her upset.
I have gotta pass this on to my friend Oprah -- She retired this week, you
know. Yeah, don't you think O'prah is cute. Of course, her company would
become Harp'o. Now there's an innovation -- a flourish at the end.
I tell you that Oprah is one gutsy lady. Thirty years ago she came to Chicago
-- black Afro, thick lips, teeth needing work, eyebrows like old Grady in
"Sanford and Son". Guess what? She wiped out old Donahue's leftist
discussions with plain old sex and then went to self-improvement. Hasn't
looked back. And self-improvement for self too -- every summer the
surgeon's knife: Lips? Gone. Eyebrows? Gone, Wrinkles? What are they?
Teeth? Capped and beautiful. Weight? Up and down, a saga in itself. Yes
sir, that is one gutsy lady and I take my hat off to her ... if I wore one.
Back here then ... O'Queenie still looks good, and that O'Dukie is still sourer
than a Whisky Sour. The rest of them are plain goofy, if you ask me.
Gotta send over my friends O'Vicuna, O'Jaguar, O'Anaconda. That'll be a
wrap then ... heh! heh!