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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
May 22, 2011
News Item: Dominique Strauss- Kahn the head of the IMF accused of sexually
assaulting a hotel housekeeper who entered his $3,000-a-day hotel suite to
"Oui! Oui! Ah! the life of a
boar is not so easeey these
days!" he was heard to
exclaim. Dumbnit Stout-
Kouchon known commonly as
DSK but to others as Fat Pig,
in an Anglicized version of
his last name, was not his
usual ebullient self known for confident banter with the press. The shock
had been too great ... the descent from the highest luxurious stye with
private mud bath to the lowest dungeon inhabited by the detritus of porcine
society. It was too much, and all for a minute or two - an interminable minute
or two - of following his natural instincts ...
It's my God-given right he thought to himself, and in my position a deserved
droit du seigneur -- after all I have done for these ungrateful swine. There I
was taking a mud bath to refresh myself for the long day ahead when ... in
walks this sleek, svelte, black filly of a sow. I swung over the side in a
graceful two-step and immediately seized the initiative ... well, actually her
back just behind her forequarters. But she wriggled and wriggled. Can you
believe it ... trying to resist ME...
Things aren't what they used to be. I am paying for my other great pleasure -
food - my massive belly and general robust rotundity now serving as an
impediment and my forepaws cannot reach down far enough to hold the
wriggling middle of this ungrateful sow ... . She slips away as I fall back
exhausted from the strain and stress of unfulfilled expectations.
But disappointing me was not enough. She now has the temerity to lodge a
complaint and here I am. What ingratitude? What is the world coming to? If
not a statue, they could, at the very least, have named a sausage after me --
a Big Brat. But instead, here I am ... woe is me!