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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
May 20, 2012
THE RUTTING CHIMPANZEE STRIKES AGAIN
News Item: Mr. Dominique Strauss-Kahn (DSK), described once as a rutting
chimpanzee by one of his victims, has this week filed a countersuit against the New
York City hotel maid whose own civil suit against him seeking damages for sexual
assault has been allowed by a New York court to proceed.
It is, 'ow you say it, abominable. There I was coming out of ze shower, as I like to be
... au naturel ... when zere in front of me Jezebel 'erself, eyes and mouth wide open,
in ze tempting, ze coying, open invitation. I succumbed -- non, I obliged -- as any
gentleman chimpanzee, not wanting to disappoint, would.
Now, what is zis? -- a lawsuit for an exorbitant amount ... . I know New York City rents
are sky 'igh but zis, for less than a minute's use of less zan a square meter of space,
I 'ave even offered to pay for ze cleaning of ze uniform (as any gentleman would),
and even to buy 'er an haute couture dress, but no, zat is not enough. What am I to
I am now obliged to sue for what zis Jezebel 'as done to my reputation. I was, 'ow you
say, a shoe-in for ze job of ze leader of my troop -- President of La Belle France, as
we call it. Now everybody is laughing at me.
Zis is unfair. I demand ... I must 'ave ... satisfaction ... er, I mean justice.