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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
May 17, 2015
News Item: Johnny Depp filming on location in Australia, smuggled in his Yorkshire
terriers. This week ordered to send them back or have them put down by the
authorities, he quietly obliged, putting them on a private plane out of the country.
What's wrong with these humans? We miss Johnny and he misses us ... probably
won't do his best work on the film.
Are we diseased? No. Just check us out. And check out all the humans traveling
around spreading deadly bugs like flu and ebola and who knows what else?
And what do we do? We look at you with genuine affection, wag our tails and make
you feel good.
Yeah! I'd like to see Prime Minister Abbott wag his tail and make you feel good. He
just makes everyone feel worse ... like that cold female Cheshire cat predecessor of
He sends a few score young kids to the Middle East maelstrom to fight. Makes him
feel like a big shot ally of the U.S. when truth be told he doesn't count.
Yeah! As I say, he'd be better off wagging his tail and being nice.
He doesn't have a tail.
He doesn't! Has he been docked?
No! He was born without one.
Really! Poor bastard. No wonder he can't communicate.
Well that's his problem. What is Johnny going to do without us?
And what are we going to do without him? I miss him already ...
Damn the bureaucracy!