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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
May 12, 2013
News Item: Penny Pritzker nominated Commerce Secretary this week.
My fellow llamas, you know how beholden I am to you, but you would not have known
me and all my fine qualities if it hadn't been for all the peonies, llama Pusher
collected (many her very own) and passed on to us. And we, in turn, passed them on
to the Magic Picture Machine (MPM) llamas, who told you wonderful little stories
about me, and the truth about my opponents.
I am still overwhelmed by the scent of all the millions of peonies. Peony Pusher is
one savvy business woman. Look, how she came out of her subprime savings and
loan cum bank smelling, well, like a peony as it went bankrupt. But subprime lending
is for the weakest amongst us. There you have it -- Peony has always had a good
Yes, good heart and a savvy business head. That's what we need for our
businesses to prosper when we compete against those fat-and-getting-fatter pandas.
Yes, I the Grand Ollama, knows better than anyone how my fellow llamas are
suffering. My arugula pasture has blight, nobody gives a llama's turd about the
Grand Ollamess' healthy eating plan, and the chef has cut back on my desserts.
Yes, your bellies are sagging and she talks about obesity. That's the beauty of it --
you will live longer ... more painfully, yes, but longer. And Peony here will make the
pain ... no, no, no! Not worse -- who said that? -- will make the pain into peonies.