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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
May 8, 2011
TOM KAT-O-SAN -- A REPORT FROM FUKUSHIMA
Arshad M Khan
I am known as Kat-o-san but my friends call me Tom. I have quite a story to
tell you ...
I was sitting quietly at the upper story window minding my own business,
licking my fur between catnaps. It's not that I am vain, I just like to keep
clean unlike, you know, that other four-legged brown-noser always begging,
wagging his tail -- geez! makes me sick -- and, about his much vaunted
sense of smell ... why can't he smell himself? He stinks! even though
Mistress bathes him frequently.
Still, I miss him ... and especially her. She was so kind to me. Come and go
as I pleased; food always ready at the right time ... even treats. I miss all that
... and I really miss our house, and the neighbors, and the lovely Persian filly
next door -- what a doll?
Well, there I was, quietly, sitting on the window sill, when all hell broke
loose. The whole place started shaking back and forth, back and forth ... it
just seemed to go on forever. I was thrown off the sill but you know me --
always land on my feet. Things were flying off the shelves, so I slipped
under a table. My Mistress called for me and kept calling but I was too
scared to move.
Then a siren began to wail. I jumped up to the window and saw my mistress
running up the hill -- guess who at her heels. That's the last I saw of them.
Everything went quiet, deathly quiet, eerie I tell you, the noises gone with
I was just thinking about this. It must have been just a few minutes, when I
heard a roar, a rush and all the houses, cars and everything, much of it
smashed up, seemed to be coming at me on a huge carpet or water. God, i
was scared. It picked up the whole house and we were away. I hate water.
All the timbers started creaking then crashing into a pile. I don't remember
much after that except waking up among some dead fish God knows where.
I was hungry so I ate one.
I have been wandering around looking for Mistress and the old
neighborhood. But there's nothing there except people I have never seen
before digging and picking up. It all looks different, it smells different, and I
don't know where I am.
Tell you one other thing. I am quite proud of it, though as I said before I am
not vain ... I now glow in the dark. Yes, my fur lights up like some spectral
creature. I have always been able to see in the dark but it still helps. One
other thing: I haven't been feeling quite as well lately -- probably all the bad
food I've had to eat.
Well, I've had a good life. I hope my mistress and, you know who, are okay. I
think I'll take another nap now.