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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
May 7, 2017
News Item: North Korea claims to have foiled a CIA planned biochemical attack to kill
its leader Kim Jong-un.
What ARE these guys trying to do? Make me and my family a target? You know
what those North Koreans are like?
Don't worry sir. The White House is like a fortress.
Don't I know it. I can't get out. But a drunken passerby can clamber over the fence.
It's been taken care of ...
I know! I know! Except that the North Korean agent is not likely to be drunk and
probably capable of eluding you guys ... you know they do this ninja stuff.
That's only in video games and cartoons, sir.
Fine for you to say, but it's my skin we're talking about ...
And we are here to protect every inch of it.
I am sure glad of that but if you fail ... And here's another thing. My kids are always
traveling, and soon I'll be making foreign trips ...
It's all taken care of sir. That's why the bill is several times the cost of protecting your
Glad to hear it. I like to be known for setting records.
Anything else sir?
Well, just one. Have you thought of building a moat -- you know, like in
the old castles -- around the White House?
You already have one sir. It's electronic. We're in the 21st century now, sir.
Good! good! That's reassuring ...