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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
May 6, 2012
FRENCH POODLE PIDDLE
News Item: In the French Presidential election, the two remaining candidates,
Francois Hollande and Nikolai Sarkozy, met earlier this week in a fiery final debate
that often degenerated into rude name calling.
Monsieur, in ze few years you 'ave 'ad ze reins of La Belle France, you 'ave betrayed
ze trust of ze French people -- what wiz zis austerite' -- it is not like La France. We
French love life ... we love to live, we live to love and love to eat -- what is zis
Monsieur, you can't even get zat right -- we live to eat and eat to love, Monsieur.
How can you imagine, you, a balding second choice, can possibly run zis country ...
wiz zat bald 'ead in ze clouds unable to see ze reality?
Listen, you high-heeled mongrel, you are as much ze French poodle as ze piddlin'
Pekinese. I will preserve le honneur of La Belle France, not bow to ze diktat from ze
fearsome German Rottweiler.
Couchon! Liar! How dare you? I am ze true spirit of La Belle France. An' ze people
will show you zat on Sunday.
Couchon eh? Well, Sourpussy, I believe in ze French pig ... better zan ze Hungarian
goulash any day. Ze French people will show you zat, when ze throw you out.
Howl-And, howl you must, but you Socialists 'ave nothing to offaire -- first DSK, the
rutting chimpanzee, and now you. Socialism is dead ... 'tot', as my German bon ami
says ... kaput.