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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
April 19, 2020


News Item:  Ivanka Trump, Senior Adviser to the president, travels to the family's golf
resort in Bedminster, New Jersey, while encouraging others to avoid discretionary
travel and practice social distancing.

When I have been telling everyone to stay at home and we are in a lockdown ...

Yes, Poppadums, but we are not ordinary people.

It looks bad.  Don't you know the election in November?

Don't worry Dad, you're running against a corpse.

That's what I am afraid of ... being beaten by a corpse.

Well, we are enjoying ourselves.  Great weather!

Wish I could be there having a round or two of golf.

You know you couldn't Poppadums.  Just think what the press would do to you ... the
president enjoying a round of golf while others are in lockdown and death stalks the

Oh the press!  I am sick of them.  Do the people realize the sacrifices I make for
them?  I could be anywhere at one of  our golf courses.  The publicity alone is worth
a fortune in golf memberships.

Don't say that Poppadums.  You never know who might be listening.

When will you stop calling me Poppadums ... and you know, I haven't had a decent
cheeseburger in days.  The American people just don't realize ...

I know, the sacrifices you make.  But you knew you would have to when you chose to

You know what, I'll ask one of the staff to take a cheeseburger break and scoot out
quickly ...

And get you one too.

Why not!  Enough's enough, and I am dying ... for a decent CHEESEBURGER ...