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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
April 17, 2011
JOB APPLICATION
News Item: Over 300 CIA personnel asked to leave Pakistan.
Oh, Grand Ollama, I beseech thee;
hear my plea. Put in a good word
for me to thy underling, the Great
Octopus of our world, the See I All
with its seeing eyes in the sky and
its flying hawks that spit on and
explode their prey.
Yes, I know the Great Octopus the
See I All has had a setback in the
land of the big river that overflows
its banks and the five little rivers,
though also big -- that too I know.
The hairless ape they used as a hit-man has been kicked out as have more
than three hundred of his comrades.
But white hairless apes stand out in a land of brown sunburned ones; I do
not. So let me set forth my unique qualities: Sharp of tooth, long of claw
and fleet of foot, I kill for a living. With daily practice, I never miss, and ... I
never get caught. I can hide in the smallest brush; I feed myself; and like
you, Grand Ollama, I come from the New World. I am ... Jaguar -- top predator
in my world. Unlike your seeing eye predators with exploding spittle, I do
not leave vast surplus dead. I am accurate -- no collaterals when I work.
Now I have to confess to an ambition or two. First, I love to travel, and what
better way than on government expense. Then my greatest ambition: If I kill
enough, in the cause of peace of course, it is my fervent wish and hope --
and if past is prologue, I am certain of it -- they will award me a Nobel Peace
Prize
JOB APPLICATION
News Item: Over 300 CIA personnel asked to leave Pakistan.
Oh, Grand Ollama, I beseech thee;
hear my plea. Put in a good word
for me to thy underling, the Great
Octopus of our world, the See I All
with its seeing eyes in the sky and
its flying hawks that spit on and
explode their prey.
Yes, I know the Great Octopus the
See I All has had a setback in the
land of the big river that overflows
its banks and the five little rivers,
though also big -- that too I know.
The hairless ape they used as a hit-man has been kicked out as have more
than three hundred of his comrades.
But white hairless apes stand out in a land of brown sunburned ones; I do
not. So let me set forth my unique qualities: Sharp of tooth, long of claw
and fleet of foot, I kill for a living. With daily practice, I never miss, and ... I
never get caught. I can hide in the smallest brush; I feed myself; and like
you, Grand Ollama, I come from the New World. I am ... Jaguar -- top predator
in my world. Unlike your seeing eye predators with exploding spittle, I do
not leave vast surplus dead. I am accurate -- no collaterals when I work.
Now I have to confess to an ambition or two. First, I love to travel, and what
better way than on government expense. Then my greatest ambition: If I kill
enough, in the cause of peace of course, it is my fervent wish and hope --
and if past is prologue, I am certain of it -- they will award me a Nobel Peace
Prize
