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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
April 15, 2018
THE DOGS OF FAKE WAR
News Item: A forewarned strike, allowing Assad to remove airplanes, personnel, etc.,
hit Syria last Friday. It cost the taxpayers about $200 million.
I am a bulldog, a British bulldog ... no giving up. Someone has to pay for the attack
on my Russian spy.
I am ze French poodle wiz ze sensitive nose. Gas repels me.
Well then you are lucky it's downwind from you. Thanks for the warning. We
American pitbulls have size and guts, and no one fools with us once they've been
But ze Russian bear has ze long teeth and ze big claws ...
We Americans know how to make a deal. Believe it or not, I wrote a book on the
subject -- actually I paid a guy but that's the American way. So I made a deal.
But we have to attack. ... my spy was attacked. I have to save face.
And what a face. Wiz zat you could sink a ship ...
Now, now, let's stay friends. We will attack. I have to save face too. We make a
No, ze bombs.
No, no! We will drop bombs. But we tell them ahead of time when and where ...
Brilliant Monsieur! Pretend war ...
Good! I like it. No casualties for those pinkos in my country to bash me with.
And ze beautiful pictures of ze "shock and awe". We must 'ave ze show at night ... a
son et lumiere ...
I don't know what the hell that means.
Oh, ze sound and ze light show.
Beautiful! It'll be amazing! Fantastic TV shots. TV news will be happy, and
everybody will be happy. I'm a tough pitbull who doesn't back off ...