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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
April 15, 2012
BLACK AND WHITE AND RICH ALL OVER
News Item: Mitt Romney sewed up the Republican Party nomination for President this
So you think things can not be black and white at the same time? Well, just look at
me ... beautiful white fleece all over and a black head. Now I know my relatives have
white heads but I have always been unique.
This black -and-white thing carries over into what passes for truth. If I say something
today and something different tomorrow, you think I am inconsistent. Not at all.
Every statement has an element of truth. We sheep are not as dumb as we look, you
Take my Democratic opponent. He ran on the theme of change. He got elected;
he's black. That's change. If you were employed in 2007 and are unemployed now
... that's change. And a good reason you should vote for me.
You say I only cut jobs when I took over companies ... . That's the way things are, my
friend. It's our system, and if you don't like it move somewhere else. As I have said
before, I love firing people. It's the capitalist way -- no profi,t no job. It's what made
me all my money. It also forces them to go out, re-train themselves and be
productive again. Creative destruction, my friend, the Austrian guy called it ... what
was his name? Trumpeter? No? What was it again? Yeah, Schumpeter. Great
guys Austrians ... like my friend Arnold in California.
What's that ... he bankrupted the state and pawed women? You'll have to ask him
about that. I am sure he has a good answer.
Am I going to raise taxes on the rich? Are you kidding? It is not the way to produce
more jobs. My friend, taxes is an idea that's been and gone. Passe' my friend.
Kaput! Now, we live off of China.
How was the economy doing so well in the fifties and sixties then, you ask. Well, look
what happened ... Do too well and you get into wars. Korea, Vietnam then, Iraq and
Afghanistan now. See where it got us.
I know what you are going to say my friend. No, I am not for crashing the economy; I
am for jobs. Just vote for me, my friend. You'll see.