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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
April 12, 2015
HILLA THE HUN
News Item: Bill Clinton's nickname for wife, Hillary in his Arkansas trysting days was
Hilla the Hun. She is expected to announce another run for president.
Should I or shouldn't I? Well, Bill?
You sound like that Shakespeare fella ... of course you should.
They'll call me First Laddie, or First Gentleman, maybe First Lover. You know, I
kinda liked the perks ...
(With a look that would shrivel Bashar al-Asad) Your perking days are over. Not in
my White House, you won't.
Hey Hill ... you know I didn't mean that. All that's way past. You know I live for you
You better. I've been hearing rumors of your extracurricular activities on these global
initiative trips of yours. Some global initiative ... and after all the money I got you for
Not true! Not true!
What's not true? You know exactly what I mean. And when I am president, I'll have
you ringed permanently with a special Secret Service detail. The members will be
rotated so you don't have time to charm them ... make me out to be Hilla the Hun you
need a break from ... I know everything.
(Mumbles) Hilla's hell!
What did you say?
Oh, I was just thinking ... can't we just retire quietly somewhere. Just you and me ...
to spend our golden years together (gives her a tender look.)
I'm not falling for that. Oh no! And you sneaking out the backdoor every chance you
get ... or worse, sneaking in your floozies every chance you get. Oh no! I am
running for president ... and I am putting a ring around your collar.
(Bill looks crestfallen).