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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
April 8, 2012


News Item: With the latest primary results Mitt Romney appears to be the almost
certain Republican candidate pitting him against Obama.

Mama! how did Papa get to be den chief?

Well, he is really strong brought down many a springbok all by himself!  And he is
really wise -- he has saved us many times during the dry season, specially from the
hyena pack.

What else does he do, Mama?

He never promises anything; he just delivers. So all of us are always happily
surprised, never disappointed. Oh, I could tell you so many stories ...

Remember when Matumba was seriously injured by a zebra's hoof.  No one thought
he would survive with that large gaping wound on his jaw.  Well, your father saw to it
that someone stayed with him night and day licking that wound to keep it clean. Yes,
the pack hunted with two less, and everybody had to help with the feeding of the two
who stayed behind on hunting trips. But Matumba is still with us ... loves your Papa ...
and the pack is stronger for him. He's very brave.

Funny with humans though ... in America many are starving, yet they elect rich fat
cats, or wannabe rich fat cats who do nothing for them. I've always wondered about
how smart humans really are ...

Look at the two who want to be pack leaders now.  The humans need jobs --  gives
them food.  One's been at it for years ... can't do much; the other one cut jobs when
he was buying up companies! If you confront them they can talk the hind legs off a

Maybe, speech is not all it's made out to be, Mama.

Maybe son, maybe.  Look at what humans are doing to the planet. And they can blow
us up any minute. Well, anyway, these are the two they have chosen as the best from
which to pick their new leader in November. Believe it or not, but this is the biggest,
most powerful pack – they call it country -- on the planet; it claims to have the best
way of choosing a leader.

Why doesn't it work, Mama?

Well, they have groups of rich fat cats, masquerading as humans, who get together
and form these little packs, they give loads of money – to humans that's better than
food – to the ones who want to be leader, and when he wins he does what they want.

What if he doesn't?

Well, they don't give him any more money, and they run someone else who is willing
to do their bidding. They can even turn his name into mud by telling lies about him in
the media. That's what they did to one of their past leaders.

What's the media, Mama?

It's what humans use to tell them what's going on in the world. But they really like to
tell people what they want them to know. Like when the zebra slashed Matumba: they
wouldn't say the zebra was fighting for his life; they'd say all zebras are evil ... look
what they did to Matumba, and then they'd start slaughtering zebras. They forget we
need them.

Humans don't seem very nice or very smart, Mama.

All I can tell you son is this: if their chimp ancestors had come down from the trees,
we'd have shown them who is really smarter ... and who's boss.