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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
April 6, 2014
News Item: Afghan elections were held on April 5, 2014.
But you are pigeons ...
No, we are komman-doves. We are birds of peace. Because President Karzai is a
man of peace. He does not use guns. He does not use bullets. He just uses paper
and we carry it for him.
So he is a paper tiger.
Well, people call him all kinds of names. All I know is, he is a man of peace. When
things were not going well, you know he decided to devote his life to feeding people.
You mean a food charity ...
Even better ... he was going to feed you in the U.S. ... feed you good food so you
would not get so fat. You know, like your First Lady's anti-obesity campaign.
So what was he going to do?
Simple. He was going to open a chain of Karzai's Kabobs -- fast food to make you
fast ... lean meat to make you lean. But things change. The U.S. was generous, and
he is now a man of means.
And what are you so busy training for?
Well, we are not commandos. We do not kill our enemies; we just shower them with
paper. We just fly around the country with these papers in our beaks and put them in
You mean ballot boxes ...
You see, people are too afraid to vote because the Taliban kills them. So we help
them out. Karzai is such a good man. He helps everyone out ... his friends ... even
But he is not running ...
No, it's a bit like Putin who put in (he lives up to his name) the Mad Vedev the one
who made a fool of himself over Libya ... Karzai the Good has a plan, and we will
help him carry it out ... carry out the people's wishes, that's all ...
And the komman-doves flew off in perfect formation carrying folded paper in their