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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
April 2, 2017
THE PRESIDENT'S GUARDIAN
News Item: The President announced a new role for his son-in-law as head of the
Office of American Innovation; he is already a Senior Adviser to the President. And,
there is more ... here's the scoop!
Yes! Yes! I've heard ... nepotism and all that. The whole place is swarming with
Don't you see people are concerned the president is not getting seasoned advice.
Seasoned advice! My God! What has it got us? Wars everywhere. Americans
dying, and scared to death of terrorism. And trillions wasted. The president
remembers his Scottish grandmother's frequently repeated words, 'Don't waste
You have to admit, you have no training in politics ...
Ha! Ha! Just try to maneuver yourself in the New York real estate world ...
I mean international politics, global strategy, that sorta thing.
Well, I have a scoop for you. While I am here to keep reminding my father-in-law why
he was elected, my main job is quite different.
Don't keep us in suspense, what is it?
My main job is to make sure the president does his main job ...
Just tell us, what is it?
The most sensational thing the president does and the most important to his
Yes, what is it? What is it?
You know very well ... he tweets. And my job goes back to the days when kings and
queens had Lords or Ladies of the Bedchamber and so forth. I have to protect
healthwise something truly important to the president.
Are you ever going to tell us what you're going to do?
I am telling you, right now. I am to be Guardian of the President's Tweeting Thumbs.
That's my official title ... and I can also tell you, there isn't a more important job in this