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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
March 30, 2014
THE BEAR CONUNDRUM
News Item: The G7 meeting, unable to agree on economic sanctions against Russia,
expels it from the group.
You cannot let the Bear get away with it.
No! I cannot sacrifice 300,000 German jobs because you can't restrain your females,
specially the rude one.
Oh, don't take that seriously f--k is a harmless word used frequently in American
What was the dumbkopf thinking? Before Russia was paying Ukraine's bills; now we
have to. And do you really think you will ever get missiles in there, or, it will become
part of NATO? And Crimea is gone.
We just have to bite the bullet as we English speakers say, and my friend from across
the Atlantic will agree.
The last time you bit anything it was probably those foul English sausages designed
for people with bad teeth. No, you don't have any trade to speak of with Russia, and
you clearly don't need the Bear's gas. You make enough in your Parliament.
You should try our great English breakfast ...
So your breakfast is still English. You eat Chicken Tikka Masala, American burgers,
Chinese food, Mexican food, food from everywhere ... and I am not surprised.
Hey, let's get back to business ... Russia, I mean. I have traveled a long way and I'm
jet lagged ...
Ya! business. Volkswagen is building a new plant in Russia. One-sixth of all its cars
are sold there and it will sell more as it tries to overtake Toyota as the world's largest
manufacturer. You think it will like your sanctions? Better kiss Putin and make up.
Meantime, we will put some travel restrictions to save face. And fire that bitch!
What about the rest of the EU?
Who in the EU disagrees with Germany? (Looks around) ... See, no one.
Japan, what do you say?
Our economy needs trade ...