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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
March 27, 2016
ZIKA THE VIRUS
News Item: The Zika virus is now believed to have been in the US longer than
Everybody has to live and I am only a little guy. What have they got against me?
What do I do? Almost nothing.
The side effects of my presence are mild. Sometimes the people I inhabit don't even
know I've been around, and I hope I get passed on to someone else.
Oh yes, they say I shrink the heads of some babies born later, but even I don't know
how I do that. And look what they did to my friends the German measles guys, not to
mention the smallpox ones for whom we had a requiem -- a beautiful ceremony ...
humans wiped them out.
And if I did shrink their heads, is that a bad thing? Just look at what humans are
doing to our planet. Stupid humans would be a good thing.
The first one to have picked up a club would have looked at it, scratched his head
thinking, what do I do with this thing? Then the idiot would have hit himself on the
head. And that would have been the end of war. Wouldn't it have been a good
So if I have a message for humans, it's simple: Women of the world unite. Get
yourself a Zika virus. Within a generation, humans will be so stupid, they would not
know how to fight, run their infernal machines to warm the planet, or destroy the
habitat. The planet would be saved, and stupid humans could share it with the rest
See, I am a force for good.