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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
March 25, 2012
News Items: A new "future" movie released this week has children being
recruited for a spectacle where they fight to the death. Former Vice President
Cheney receives a heart transplant.
There is something about homo sapiens and the spectacle of death -- they
are fascinated ... spellbound by it. In the Orient and Greece, they simulated
it in theater. The trained actors, not easily replaceable, could reenact it
night after night. The Romans played it for real as the slave empire
considered inferior gladiators expendable. Not so for the barbarians who
sacked Rome. They had seen enough of that civilization, and gladiators
soon disappeared from the scene. Well, not quite. Any little slight could
lead to a duel ...
Fast forward to the present, and for all the mayhem in the movies, there is
the reassurance that the dead and bleeding will dust themselves off and get
ready for a second take. But the overpopulated, under-resourced future is
a different story. While the little boys prepare to fight and die, the old in a
retirement community are forced to play a deadly lottery. Space is limited to
a thousand but intake is greater than departures, so, Saturday night is
suicide night, drawn by lots the day before ... the most funny and
entertaining -- for laughter is at a premium -- receiving prize money donated
by residents and sent to their family.
Vice President Cheney, codenamed VIPRE by his Secret Service detail, is
recovering and in fine spirits after receiving the heart of a 14-year old killed
in a skateboarding accident.
I don't know what's gotten into me but I feel an enormous swelling of
affection; I am bursting with love. It's a feeling quite alien and unknown to
me, and I must admit to being a trifle scared and vulnerable. But it also feels
wonderful! Come close, I want to hug all of you -- especially the young
nurses. I see where Bill Clinton was coming from. Ha! Ha!
Get me a skateboard. I want to skateboard.
But Mr. Vice President ....
No! no! I can do it. Just get it, that's an order!
Yippee! This feels wonderful. I am flying on the ground ... wowieeeeee....
eeeee .... aaah! aaah! ... help! help! Stop this thing.
The unconscious Vice President is taken back inside the hospital.
He's going to need two knee replacements and a shoulder joint. Make sure
they are mechanical this time.