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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
March 22, 2020
News Item: The country is in lockdown with everything closed except grocery stores
and people in voluntary isolation.
This coronavirus is getting to me. I thought it would be over in two weeks but ....
Doughnaald! Did you not read about China?
Read! You should know by now I don't read. I have always paid people to read for
Doughnaald, it will take a while.
And I am getting really frustrated ...
Hey, listen, listen, listen. I cannot contravene my own orders, and I was talking about
Food! You have a team of chefs in the kitchen ...
And they can't make the food I like.
Doesn't seem like it from the way you eat.
That's because I have to eat a lot. Doesn't mean I like it.
Well, would you like me to make something for you. My mother used to make a
Oh my God no ... not one of those things loaded with peppers, oh, no.
Peppers are good for you. Full of vitamin C and that boosts your immune system.
So you say.
I have never been sick since ...
Neither have I ...
So what DO you want?
Don't you know? I want a CHEESEBURGER and they've closed my favorite joint
down the street ... I hate this coronavirus. I hate it, hate it, hate it ... . People can't
even begin to imagine the sacrifices that I am making for them in this coronavirus