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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
March 22, 2020

DIETARY DESPAIR


News Item:  The country is in lockdown with everything closed except grocery stores
and people in voluntary isolation.


This coronavirus is getting to me.  I thought it would be over in two weeks but ....

Doughnaald!  Did you not read about China?

Read!  You should know by now I don't read.  I have always paid people to read for
me.

Doughnaald, it will take a while.

And I am getting really frustrated ...

Hey, listen, listen, listen.  I cannot contravene my own orders, and I was talking about
food.

Food!  You have a team of chefs in the kitchen ...

And they can't make the food I like.

Doesn't seem like it from the way you eat.

That's because I have to eat a lot.  Doesn't mean I like it.     

Well, would you like me to make something for you.  My mother used to make a
delicious ...

Oh my God no ... not one of those things loaded with peppers, oh, no.

Peppers are good for you.  Full of vitamin C and that boosts your immune system.

So you say.

I have never been sick since ...

Neither have I ...

So what DO you want?

Don't you know?  I want a CHEESEBURGER and they've closed my favorite joint
down the street ... I hate this coronavirus.  I hate it, hate it, hate it ... .  People can't
even begin to imagine the sacrifices that I am making for them in this coronavirus
epidemic.