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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
March 15, 2020
News Item: Anticipating Trump's speech Dow futures were up 300 points. Then he
spoke and they started to fall ending 1000 points down by the time he had finished.
The market opened 2000 points lower the next day.
Here's how some of our political leaders would have reacted to news of the spreading
Bill Clinton: I feel your pain ... but keep your distance.
Hillary Clinton: Why don't we nuke 'em ...
Barack Obama: I have given due consideration to these viruses, and I have
appointed a delegation to contact their leaders. We will eventually resolve this issue
by peaceful means and arrive at a solution amenable to both parties.
Joe Biden: Find out what's their price, those ... what's the name again?
Bernie Sanders: I have said this before, and I'll say it again. We need universal
healthcare in this country. That's the way to give the virus a licking ...
Nancy Pelosi: I've told you before. There's a virus in the Republican party.
Mitch McConnell: You can expect an ideological wish list that is not tailored to the
circumstances from the Democrats.
Adam Schiff: Trump's speech was crazy quilt. The question is when did he get back
from India and what did he bring?
Mike Pence: Let us pray.
Donald Trump: I am putting a travel ban on the coronavirus. No more coronavirus.
We have Made American Great Again. Now we have to Keep America Great.
Melania: Doughnaald! Four people have quarantined themselves after shaking
hands with you. Go back to your quarters, you are under my quarantine ...