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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
March 4, 2018
THE BEAR'S CLAWS
News Item: Putin unveils new deadly weapons, including a nuclear tipped, nuclear
powered cruise missile against which he stressed there is no defense.
"Ach. Mein Gott dees is, how you say, armageddon ... " exclaimed the German
schnauzer, recoiling in horror at the thought.
"We 'ave ze famous savoir faire, but zees is a holy terrore. What are we going to
do?" asked the French poodle.
Adjusting his Armani, the Italian greyhound scanned his polished fingernails, "We
'ave-a no quarrel with the Russians."
"Look at me," commanded the English bulldog looking down her long pointed nose at
the three. "We the UK are the most closely allied with the bellicose American pitbull.
He is almost a relative ... "
"Relative, he ist mine, I am sorry to say," interrupted the schnauzer ... "Drumpf by
name dummkopf by action."
"Well, as I was saying ... I am the most likely target if there is one and I am
maintaining a British cool ..."
"While the boat-a sinks-a under you. Why donna you call-a the mad pitbull, eh?"
asked the greyhound.
"Actually I did."
"What he say ah?"
"Well, I know you won't believe it, but he said his nuclear button is bigger than the
"Ach, mein Gott!"
"Sacrebleu! He is zee mad ..."
"Loco! Loco! Loco!"
"Calm down! Calm down!"
"Listen-a what is-a the whistling sound I hear. I surrender."
"Oh! This is too much. It's only the kettle. I am making some tea ..."