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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
February 28. 2021
News Item: Spotted in Warren County, Pennsylvania was a cardinal with both male
and female plumage split vertically down the middle.
Okay, so I have bilateral gynandromorphism. See, I can even say it, and you thought
only parrots can talk.
I know, I know, canaries can sing. I am underappreciated, I know but I can do both.
Now I am some sort of freak, a one-in-a-million chance. But here I am.
If I were human, I'd get myself an agent and make a fortune.
Not for us birds; we don't need much. Our food supply is in the sunflowers (we eat
the seeds) and we shelter in tall bushes making nests for spring.
We like to travel and many of us go down south for the winter.
So here I am being chased by boys and girls. I have to tell the boys to look at the
crest and keep away before I peck 'em one.
It's a good life but now I am being chased by human photographers.
Not just that ... my friends are warning me there's likely to be a human (there always
is) who would like me as a trophy -- stuffed and prized. So I am being extra careful ...
just til all this fame dies down. It will. Humans have a short attention span ...