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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
February 24, 2013
I AM OSCAR
News Item: The annual Academy Awards ceremony for the film industry is being held
tonight in Los Angeles.
It is not uncommon to see tall, nubile maidens wrapped around small, dumpy, bald,
old men in the preferred hot spots of the Hollywood elite. Financial acumen make the
men powerful and influential; the women exert an influence in their own way, as such
women always have in the history of mankind.
But I am musing. I, too, am bald, old, and I exert an influence very few little guys like
myself ever have. Influence? No, perhaps craving might be a better word.
Yes, I am going to be grabbed and held tight by dozens of men and beautiful women
as they hold my golden form aloft with feelings of pride and relief, while the merciless
camera pans the losers smiling a tight smile trying to maintain composure.
They can not complain. It is the camera that brought them there. The evening will
soon be over, but the race for next year has already begun.
Me? Well, I'll occupy pride of place in the luxurious homes of winners as I have done
in the past. And next year ... next year others of my kind will prepare themselves for
the intimate man- (or woman) handling they will receive.