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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
February 19, 2013
MEDAL OF DRONOR
News Item: Announcement this week that drone operators, based as they are in the
U.S. itself, will still be receiving medals for the wars abroad.
Quite frankly, I think it's unfair. You should have to be in some kind of danger to get a
medal. I am a drone. I am smart. I dispatch my missiles with deadly accuracy. Just
because, the big chief's species presses a button to tell me when and where, they
get the glory and I am ignored. I don't mean to carp, but can you imagine how
tedious and difficult it is to buzz around all day, day after day, just looking and waiting
for the target to be given. And talk about danger, my buddies have been knocked
down in Iran.
Hey, wait a minute! I am a dronor. If you think it's tedious flying around in the open
air, what do you think it's like here cooped up with others, staring at a screen. And
you are pretty safe up in the open skies.
And you, sitting in temperature controlled comfort in an easy chair, are not. Gimme a
Listen buddy! You know how many people get killed in driving accidents each year ...
many times more than have died in Iraq and Afghanistan. I have to drive through that
... every day. And road rage -- hell, if you so much as cut someone off even by
accident, they are liable to kill you ... happens every week. I have to drive worrying
about that too.
Aw! Come on!
Wait, I haven't finished. Many, many times more get injured, and if you end up in the
hospital ... hell! They kill over 100,000 each year through mistakes. And have you
heard of all the gun violence, muggings and robberies. It ain't no picnic here buddy.
I deserve that medal, especially as many of us are getting PTSD from all the killing.
Ain't so good seeing our handiwork, you know. Now that's a problem you don't have.