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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
February 15, 2015


News Item:  Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin visiting England refused to answer
when asked by a radio host if he believed in evolution.

I should have clubbed him.

Why do you say that?  He was only doing his job.

I should've clubbed him like I did the unions ... Sure took care of 'em.

But it was February 12, Darwin's 206th birthday.

That man has been more trouble to me than anyone alive.  He is dead, right?

Oh, yes!  Dead right, as you say.

I wish I could've clubbed him.

You do believe in evolution, don't you?

Well ... there are other sources ... .  You know it's only a theory.

Yes, and theory is hypothesis supported by fact.

Fact!  What's a fact but an act that's been effed, eh?

For over a hundred years scientists have piled up mountains of evidence in support.

You mean how humans came from a blob -- some primordial ooze.  Gimme a break!

Not directly ... over billions of years.  Cosmologists calculate the age of the universe
at 13.8 billion years.  The earth itself is 4.54 billion years old, coalescing as a planet
around our modest star which will eventually die out -- an event happening frequently
in the universe.  That will end all life on earth.

Why should the sun die?  And why is such death frequent?  And I think you mean
astronomists -- cosmologists work in beauty parlors.  I am not stupid, you know ...

Because the sun will run out of fuel, and because there are billions of stars in our
galaxy alone and there are billions and billions of galaxies.

God works in mysterious ways ...

Indeed, when modern man is a less than a second's blip in a 24-hour universe ...