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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
February 9, 2014
THE SOCHI BEAR
News Item: The Sochi Winter Olympics began on February 7 with a grand opening
ceremony tracing host history, as has been a recent style. A hacked cell phone
conversation earlier in the week revealed an Assistant Secretary of State and the
U.S. Ambassador to the Ukraine planning a new government for the country.
Da! Da! You like the ceremony. We show what Russians can do -- art, music,
extravaganza .. one up on Hollywood kitsch and showmanship, da?
Da! I am the Sochi bear, and you say I am biased, but just ask the billions who saw
it. Look at the Olympic village. Look at the facilities. Look at the architecture. It's
there for all to see ...
Now what you think of all the Sochi bashing in the Western media, especially in
America. It is going to be a great Olympics ...
Da, I am the Sochi bear. I am biased you say. Some say, what has Uncle Sam been
doing this week. In their version of the Olympic spirit -- when we set differences aside
and come together to let our best test their skills in sport -- they are busy trying to
set-up a new regime in our neighborhood which has an elected government. And the
protestors' hero whose pictures they hold up is a Nazi collaborator! What a world this
is some say.
But I say, it is not that way at all. Hear what that female is saying: "F*** the EU". Not
just one or two or even three. No, the whole EU. That is a female in heat, da, a cri
de coeur as the French say, a desperate plea from a frustrated old female. She is
not sizing up a new government in our neighborhood; she is sizing up prospects for
her winter vacation there. She should come to Sochi.
Business is business, da! So come to Sochi. The Olympic spirit may have died, but
the Olympic flame burns bright, da ... in beautiful surroundings, da ... And hardy
Russian men and tourists await frustrated State Department females footloose
around the world ...
And Uncle Sam fights to win ... and when he wins, he loses. That's life ... that's