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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
February 7, 2016
THE CLINT CAT CONUNDRUM
News Item: Hillary Clinton used a stenographer during her paid speeches, reserving
the rights to transcripts, but refuses to release them.
We cats are loners; we enjoy our privacy.
Don't you think if you want to lead others, they may want to know where you stand.
Goodness me! I've told them often enough.
They want to know what you told Goldman-Sachs. The gave you over $800,000 after
(Smiles the famous Cheshire cat smile.)
You know I enjoy being around the rich ... so polished, so smart, so civilized. My
Tomcat says the same ...
Isn't he more used to the drunk, the unwashed, the needy, whose pain he feels. And
let's not forget the crude and vulgar ... he's been howling in the alleys for ...
(Hisses loudly, claws beginning to show ...)
Stop that! It's all in the past ...
No more svelte Siamese, pretty Persians, cute calicos or even tubby tabbies ... he
wasn't particular, I seem to remember ...
I told you ... it's all in the past.
We haven't gotten very far with your problem ...
We'll ride it out ... like the State Department emails ...
You don't have the time; the primaries are upon us, and Bernie came within a hair of
beating you in Iowa.
He'll win New Hampshire but everyone thinks it's like a home state for him, so it won't
make much difference ...
It predicted the eventual winner 78% of the time.
Not this time. I am not going to be denied the POWER that is mine by right. I have
made too many sacrifices, tolerated too many bitches, I mean kittens. No! (the eyes
open wide, back arches, claws expose, and a fearful hiss sends a shudder in her
interlocutor) I am going to WIN despite New Hampshire.