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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
February 4, 2018
THE FOX AND THE VOLES
News Item: President Trump delivers State of the Union address to Congress
When I promised you the most amazing, beautiful and fantastic Voleland last year,
many scoffed, some doubted the sincerity of a red fox towards voles -- yes, we are
known to eat a vole or two but you are so many and we are so few.
Today I am here to tell you the state of our United Voleland is great and it is due, I
must say, to the accomplishments of you voles. Yes, I have been a guiding light, and
yes, we could not have done this without me but it is your success, and I want to
highlight great voles like those who have sacrificed for the good of the many, the
brave, and also an economic success story.
At the top must be the Vol(e) au Vents. That large family has sacrificed members
repeatedly so I may be nourished, and continue my work on your behalf. Stand up
Mr. and Mrs. Vol(e) au Vent and be acknowledged . A hand for them please.
As you know our communities are being hounded by scorpion gangs. I am ready to
face their challenge and I want to introduce you to one of the brave leading this war:
Prince Valiant Vole. He single-handedly faced a gang of three. He bit the tail of one
scorpion rendering it defenseless, swerved and did the same to the second. The
third struck but like lightning he stepped aside, turned and bit its tail off also. Who
could ask more of a vole? Be assured we are going to defeat these scorpion gangs
and drive 'em out. Prince Valiant Vole, please stand, we are proud to have you and
voles like you defending us.
Then we have Willy Vole. Willy started small. His Holes-for-Voles was an instant
success, building small apartments for lazy voles unwilling to dig for themselves.
Well, ladies and gentlemen voles, this year he has completed Voleland's largest
casino where voles can relax and enjoy a flutter. He struggled hard to get a gambling
license but he has learned a thing or two, and look at him now. Stand up Willy Vole,
we all want to show our gratitude.
Nothing but success that's the secret. There's no such thing as failure. It doesn't
exist in our vocabulary. That's why Voleland will soon be greater even than
Disneyland ... more amazing, more fantastic ...