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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
January 29, 2017


News Item:  Following Theresa May's hasty invitation to Donald Trump for a formal
state visit hosted by the Queen, a petition against it has in less than a week gathered
nearly two million signatures.

The million signatures?  Sore losers.  I don't believe in polls, petitions,
demonstrations ... majority supports me.

Did you win the popular vote then?

Of course I did.  The illegal voters gave the fake result.

What are you going to tell the Queen?

Amazing! ...  Incredible!  She is an incredible lady ... It is going to be a beautiful visit,
beautiful!  You know, no other president in recent memory has been invited like this
-- most waited two years.

Does that matter?

Tells you reporters who is right and who is wrong about America becoming great
again ... and about my popularity.

Yes, the recent poll numbers show a record negative.

Polls, polls, polls ... they predicted I would lose, right?  Amazing, how you keep
referring to them ...

The Queen when she was younger and her family ... They are really into horses.  If
you remember, Ronald Reagan had that famous photo of riding with the Queen.  So
will you be doing some riding?

Horses!  The best riding I do ...  ahem ...  no, I won't be riding horses.  What a crazy
question?  Do I look like a jockey?  No!  Tell you what, I wouldn't mind a round of golf,
or even a few holes, chatting with the Queen ... especially if I could invite her over to
my golf course.

That would be a great photo-op and great publicity for your courses.  Now, sir ...
about dogs ...

Dogs?  What about dogs?

Sir, the Queen has lots of 'em ... little ones ... corgis.

Well, have to take care not to step on them.  You know I might get a dog ... the kind
you step on it, he eats you.  Yeah, not a bad idea ...  a bull mastiff I think ...