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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
January 21, 2018
I AM NOT OBESE
News Item: The veracity of President Trump's medical became an issue.
I am not obese. I am not obese. I am not obese. I may be overweight but I am not
obese, continued Mr. Hippo a little more calmly.
Well, you are certainly not sleek, said Mr. Cheetah. My name might sound like a
cheater, but you are behaving like one. Look at you! You are round, you look
blubbery, and you are certainly fat.
I am not fat. I am not fat. I am not fat ... just a little overweight, and what with my size,
it doesn't show, said Mr. Hippo.
Doesn't show! said Mr. Giraffe. If it doesn't show, I am Mr. Monkey's uncle. Not only
are you shaped like a barrel, you look like one -- smooth and round, ending at one
end in an enormous mouth.
But it is my length you see. Because I am long and high, I am not considered obese.
Ask any expert ...
Expert! Expert! That's too much, said Mr. Owl up on a tree, looking all-knowing, wise
and professorial. I have been listening to this argument from here -- in fact it woke
me up from my daily snooze. What are you talking about you lumbering fat beastie.
You are fat, F-A-T, and that's the final word. Look at beautiful Mr. Leopard sleek and
fast as the wind. Look at graceful Mr. Giraffe. He is tall. He can reach almost up to
here. And you Mr. Hippo are FAT. That's the final word. Now shut up all of you and
let me get back to sleep.