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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
January 20, 2013
THE GRAND OLLAMA ... AGAIN
News Item: President Obama is to be inaugurated on January 21, 2013. He plans to
use three bibles for the swearing in ceremony: his wife's family Bible, a Lincoln Bible,
and a Martin Luther King Bible.
Up high in the Andes where my subjects and I reside, the air is thin, libidos are low,
and we cannot but be close to our gods. I feel so close to them that sometimes I
wonder if I am not one with them. It is one reason I have taken to posing with my
nose in the air -- breathing is easier plus I feel a god-like pose is appropriate.
Yes, I know, fellow llamas, you can't have enough of me. But enough is enough, the
next four years is all I can give you ... I think. Who knows what the future holds?
Some of my subjects, have been asking, what with all the holy books? As you know,
my subjects, I am a being of conscience, and sins weigh heavily on me, particularly
those terrible targeting Tuesdays. This is a difficult job but I am willing to do it ... to
keep you my fellow (albeit slightly inferior) llamas safe, and to fulfill your wish that I
Yes, my friends, sins weigh heavily upon me, and that is why I wanted to collect all the
holy books I could muster to swear upon. But the Chief Priest begged me to have
pity on his frail old arms and arthritic shoulders. He thinks he can manage three.
Well, no one can say I don't compromise, so it is going to be three only, and I will
continue to feel the burden of sin. It is the price I have to pay to ensure you remain
safe. Keep sending all that arugula though ... I love it. I need it. And my party
needs it. It is the oxygen of our system of rule.