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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
January 12, 2014
THE LAP DOG
News Item: Former Defense Secretary Robert Gates' just released book portrays
Joe Biden as never right on a foreign policy issue in forty years.
Well! Those kinds of comments don't deserve a reply. See, who I am having lunch
with ... as long as my boss is happy. My job is to lick and satisfy egos. It's got me
where I am -- the best gig in town: house, home, even a plane and I get to hammer a
gavel in my old haunts ... what more can one want? You make what you can out of a
And I made it on to the ticket the second time around when many thought I'd be
dumped. You just have to have a thick hide ... and keep on lickin'.
Remember, when they sent me to Israel and those guys gave me the boot -- well, just
keep on lickin' ... gets you a comfortable lap to sit on ... and the perks with it.
Foreign policy? Who cares, this is the greatest country in the world. We can bury
Just get me to a donor ... I'll lick his boots off til his wallet's empty!
That's what counts ... and havn' a thick hide.
Remember when I was running for President, and they caught me stealing lines from
that Brit guy -- I forgot his name ... just a mix-up -- gets so darn confusing sometimes
But you know something ... I survived ... just don't ever count me out ... I have what
you need in this town -- a tough skin and a long tongue.
Just ask Bill Clinton ... a man after my own heart -- more likely after my wife and
daughter (and yours too) if you ask me ...