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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
January 10, 2021


News Item:  Instigated by Trump's speech, a huge crowd of Trump supporters
attacked the Capitol, delaying the formal certification of Biden's victory -- a roll call of

Oh, Doughnaald!  What have you done?

What have I done!  I won!  And the hundreds of thousands certified my victory.

Doughnaald!  I never thought I'd say this, but if it's certification you want, the
Congress is about to certify you as per the 25th Amendment dealing with presidential
incapacity -- like he goes into a coma.

I am not in a coma ... Say, how come you know so much about the Constitution.

I read Doughnaald.

So do I, Melania.  So do I ...

I have seen what you read, Doughnaald.  Those magazines hidden under intelligence
reports and other documents you should be reading ...

Ah!  Spying on me again.  Typical woman!

I am not spying.  I keep stepping over those magazines, there are so many of them.

Proves I read, Melania.

No you don't; you just look at the pictures.  And what pictures ... a man of your age ...
and a president.

Ha!  Ha!  you should see what the French get up to ... and that British weirdo, Boris ...

Stop changing the subject.  I am going to have to confiscate your magazines before
the news leaks out.  Don't worry, you can have them back when we leave the White

Melania!  Can I leave some for that prez Biden.  At least Pence is genuine.  But Biden
... he's the kind of guy who'd like to have those mags but doesn't have the guts to
buy them.  

Oh, leave him be, Doughnaald.  How about I order you a big, fat juicy