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The Porcupine's Quill:  A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
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the satire column
Porcupine's Quill
January 6, 2019


News Item:  The impasse on funding for the border wall has led to government
shutdown, now into the third week.

It's been a tough holiday season for Federal workers, Mr. President; so many on
furlough or working without pay at necessary jobs like at Homeland Security.

I know, I know.  The best homeland security is the border wall.  Think of a
cheeseburger:  We are the soft fat side of the bun, Mexico the thin bottom, and the
border wall is the real meat.

Is Mexico also the sauce?

No, we have our own, and the cheese.  Hey, this talk is making me hungry.  Order me
a cheeseburger, will you?  I know what ... I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow the House
down along with that scrawny Nancy Pelosi ...

Yes, Mr. President (picking up the phone).

No, you can't have a cheeseburger with maggots in it.  That's what the immigrants
are doing to this country.

But maggots are white Mr. President, and most studies say immigrants are a positive,
lowering the overall population age, unlike, say, Japan, even Europe where they
have too many pensioners and not enough working age people to support them.

Don't throw figures at me.  Get enough of that from Pelosi and Schumer.  Look at
what they are doing.  I have nothing against immigrants.  Why can't we get them from
Norway or Sweden?  Where's that cheeseburger?

On its way Mr. President.  Think of the migrants without food and water at ...

Nobody asked them to come -- the Mexican government's problem, not mine, and ...

Yes Sir, Mr. President.