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The Porcupine's Quill: A Satire Column
by Arshad M. Khan
Please scroll down for
the satire column
January 5, 2014
THE PYTHON'S STORY
News Item: Security guard trying to capture python at a luxury tourist resort in Bali is
constricted to death.
What could I have done? You know what they do if they capture us -- we are on the
menu! Any one would call it self-defense. And I can say to you quite frankly: I was
scared ... it was a close call ... I am lucky to have escaped.
Let me tell you something: my kind have been here for hundreds of thousands of
years. We lived quietly keeping the animal population in balance. How often do we
eat after all? Sometimes not for weeks if we have a large meal. Otherwise, maybe
once a week -- a rodent or two. What harm does that do?
But now they keep building all these tourist resorts to make money, and soon the
reason the first tourists came here, the quiet, the beauty, the gentle people ... will no
There is nowhere left for us ... wherever we go we run into humans. They catch us,
eat us, ship us -- some of my cousins are doing well in the Florida Everglades -- keep
us as pets.
Can you imagine if a well-meaning python captured a human for a pet ... to let him
experience the joy of living free ... unfettered by time, possessions, security -- free to
experience the thrill of living with risk-- real risk. Would that be the ultimate
wilderness vacation? A bungee jump for the truly intrepid? Perhaps I should become
an entrepreneur. That's what all the humans talk about these days ...